This is a new story, a different story. I reject allowing my, no wait cancel that, “THE” (thanks Sarah) old stories of my past, to dictate and interfere with my present and future.
I choose to take back my power in this moment.
I’m currently “balls deep” in inner work presently, and have been unraveling, opening and shifting old energies. Its quite the experience.
Coming into my fifth breathwork sitting , only a week out from the last one, and having had a spontaneous experience at home, with all the deepest triggers going off inside of me, I knew it was going to be big. The anticipation was real, I knew I was primed and ready for a huge breakthrough.
Altered states of consciousness are difficult to articulate, at the best of times and recall can be a bit like remembering a dream; its all a bit foggy and strange when you come back to reality. Its one of those experiences like childbirth that you can only really comprehend if you experience it yourself.
This time I went very deep, as even very early there were blank moments (where did I go?). Just when I was thinking that the spasms in my hands were finally not going to happen this session, bammm! My entire body seized up and went rigid. It was not pleasant at all. The recall is so scattered now, I’m not sure if that was before or after sitting up. I actually allowed myself to make some noises this time, the discomfort was profound and overwhelming. It is also usual for me to experience significant tremors or shaking in my hands and arms but this time my entire body started to convulse. It was rather frightening to experience for sure. It was sometime during all this that there was a flash, and I recall thinking, did someone just take a photo?, but then came the crack! What a profound moment. I expressed myself with a loud “fuck”, and was grateful that the universe saw fit to join the party and work with us on such a physical level lol. The sense of synchronicity and connection in that moment was immense.
In past sessions I have often tapped out fairly early in the sessions, spending much time in a deep, relaxed, meditative state of bliss, but this time I wasn’t ready when it was time to come back to the room. I felt almost paralysed, and struggled to come out of it, I wasn’t finished. I was in a lot of discomfort when I finally started to move, and my right hand was still having intermittent tremors. Fetal position felt good lol. The curry helped but I felt like I was in shock, I was shaken to my core. I felt like a raw nerve. I could barely put words together. I had to hang around for a while, until I felt well enough to drive, and was one of the last to leave.
I am at a turning point in my life right now and I am determined to take full advantage of all resources available to me, to change my reality into whatever I want it to be.
I’m taking charge of my destiny and shedding all the old baggage. I don’t need it or want it anymore. I’m no longer afraid of what will be left without it, or of who I am without my pain and misery.
I know who and what I am now, not just intellectually, but in my heart.
Its time to be an expression of love.
Stepping out of victim mode and standing in my full power, as a being of infinite potential.